Of intangible things that are hard to define, love may rank the highest. Perhaps our language simply isn’t yet complex enough to explain a force that profoundly electrifies the world. So how do we even begin to wrap our heads around it? Maybe love is a phenomenon that isn’t meant to be defined, but only…experienced.
We constantly ask ourselves “How to love?” – A world-renowned question that spotlights love as an action. Love does comes naturally, but like any other action, it can also be harnessed and developed.
It’s a growing bond that lives between people – A tree that is thoughtfully cared for and watered equally between those who share it. For, the water poured is love too.
We define love as an “intense feeling of deep affection,” a feeling that warms our hearts. But the brain also has a part to play. Sexual attraction is obviously a huge factor, as our sexual hormones drive our primitive lust. However, those aspects only catch our eye initially.
We’re victims of an ancient cocktail of dopamine and oxytocin – a cycle of circuits and neurotransmitters that reinforce our lust, attraction, and attachment to a person. Together, a cycle of attachment similar to addiction occurs – which makes it all the more harder if or when that attachment ends.
Some spend half their time preparing for that initial attraction. Our genre of perfection inspires much internal confidence, so we spend hours in the gym and hundreds on clothes to adorn our faces, bodies, and lifestyles for others. Before we know it, we realize our entire lives revolve around a modern-day mating ritual.
But what happens past the early stages when appearance is no longer impressionable? Once you mine the superficial depths of a person, can we face what really matters: Companionship?
It’s only fair to think past our five senses and decipher our attraction to a person beyond simple desire. There’s a big difference between a bond rooted in mere chemical attraction versus sincere companionship. Commitments survive on a span of mutual values, attraction, respect, and effort. It takes loving through the veil of our bodies and understanding who each other are as people to mature into companions.
Following the ignition of chemical attachment, perhaps it’s also the wonder of what you can create with a person that carries a relationship forward. Love can build a humble cabin or a vast tower that eclipses the Empire State Building. To wonder what structure of love could come of this fresh endearment – I think it’s that glimpse that keeps us going – A glimpse of our very own Taj Mahal.
If we can imagine a future with someone, we can expect that love to prosper. Right? Perhaps so many bonds diminish because the future is no longer apparent and our faith in it expires. Or maybe, it’s crystal clear but ultimately undesirable. Either way, what we imagine may never manifest itself exactly as we hoped. Things could turn out worse or better, but what matters is if the path there is fostered.
We keep thinking of life in destinations but it is a never-ending path. Those we love are those who walk with us. We must nurture the trail together, even if we sometimes drift behind each other at different paces. Because on that path, what we really nurture is a belief – So that when a fork in the road appears, we know for certain they will choose to step with us.
It’s those affirming moments along the way that give us hope that they will continue to choose us again and again. Love is a nourished belief.
So how does one learn to believe? Since, there’s no rosetta stone to decrypt the answers we seek, the only way to learn might be through experience. After all, love is what we learn from each other. But of course, experience varies.
You may have had the chance to study the facets of a real meaningful relationship, but your partner may not have been so lucky. It could be that some of us have to be “broken in” to become comfortable with the idea of love – expressing and receiving. Once we learn to do that – to believe we can love and be loved – we are reset. And of course, in every beginning, there is much to learn.
However, love is not something you learn to do once. Love is something you have to constantly re-learn.
Sure some of us are similar, but we are not the same. We’re all electric bags of meat and bone, but our minds and spirit vary in billions. One cannot learn to love in a general way because love is specific. It’s pliable. When a person changes, it changes with it.
It’s a house built kiss by kiss, and hug by hug, and whatever you build together won’t be the same structure you’ve built with someone else. Love is a house you build better each time. Though, in life, some houses will have fireplaces and stained glass windows, while others will never be furnished.
Love is something two people have to create between themselves, and themselves only. For, if love is a tree, and the water poured is love too, then we are the soil it lives in, the clouds that rain, and its very own sun it reaches for.
As ever,
𝖔𝖋 𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖘 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖕𝖊𝖓𝖘 🫀